“I am of the flesh, sold into slavery under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.… I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do” (Rom 7:14–15, 19).
Three more people were “laid off” from work this week as our company continues to “right size” to “stay competitive” with our competition. My job appears to be safe, however, in this climate you never know and my job could be eliminated with a stroke of a pen or an affirmation via email. In Corporate America, where I have toiled for thirty years, job security is never guaranteed.
I have been very fortunate over the past year to become sober, to concentrate on my health, and to begin hearing what God’s will is for me. I have also been fortunate to have had a good career, to be in excellent health, and to still have the drive and motivation I still have. And during this time I have begun to develop a sound plan to take us to retirement in five years and to relocate to a mountain town that will get us away from the big city and the related traffic, stress, and pollution that I have come to loath.
But I continue to not be as focused on a few core activities and short term goals as I need to be. I continue to procrastinate and am currently wasting my evenings binge watching a series on Netflix which is not only keeping me from productive activities but also is filling my mind with images and a subject that is less than ideal.
Why do we do this? I know I am not alone as evidenced by Paul’s writings two thousand years ago. It frustrates me and makes me angry with myself. I will pray to God for strength and continued guidance and for more focus on achieving my long term goals. May God hear my prayers.