As I began thinking about this step it occurred to me that I really did not understand what “turning your life over to God” means. My thinking was that it simply meant “doing the right things” every day by blocking out sinful thoughts and controlling my actions at every turn. But, the more I thought about it that line of thinking is doing just the opposite; I am controlling my life, not God.
So herein lies my dilemma. What does “turning your life over to God” really mean?
I have complained to myself and to God that he has not listened to my thoughts and prayers for help. In doing so I have reduced God to nothing more than a genie in a bottle and became frustrated when he did not bail me out of debt, grant me a promotion, or turn me into a better version of myself. Did I really think those things were going to happen? Surely not, but I sure seemed to be mad at God for never speaking to me, guiding me, or magically transforming me. I wanted a miracle instead of putting in the hard work.
So, as I work through these steps I want to truly understand what is being asked of me before I quickly “check the box” and call it done. That is what has gotten me into trouble time after time. I’ve been pretty good at looking like I have come to complete agreement on these steps but it has been superficial which of course God, and even those close to you, sees right through. Perhaps more importantly I see right through it and know I am a fraud and imposter who is really not committed to this new line of thinking.
I need to study this concept further and am committing to doing just that. I have some ideas on what this looks like but confess that I need to come to an understanding of what God wants me to do. One thing is for certain is that asking for the miracles I have asked for in the past is not the right idea. Instead I need to ask for God’s help in improving the basic thought patterns and hang ups that have plagued me. Those would be forgiveness, removing stress and anxiety, and remembering each day just how good I have it.
Those are just a few of the core issues I need to turn over to God and, in fact, as I study this concept more over the coming months it might change altogether. Perhaps… and I am thinking out loud…. That what I need to concentrate on and pray for guidance for is just having an open mind and the energy and commitment to study, pray, and seek wisdom. Praying to knock down my ego and pride and to fully admit that I am clueless and really don’t know what I need to do would also be a good idea.
So, as I start through this spiritual journey I will begin with those thoughts. That I am just a baby that knows little and wants to learn the very basics.
God, bless me today as well as others on a similar journey that we might come to understand what turning our lives over to you really means.